또 안녕 아이비!

중국 어때? Just kidding! Roblox씨랑 정말 잘 지내는 거 알아!! 내 중국인 친구, 내가 무슨 말을 하는지 알아? ㅋㅋㅋ 이제 영어로 바꿀게.

I miss you. a lot. summer would be so fun with you. i dont think i tell you enough but im rlly grateful for u.

I think I tell you some of my most embarrassing, weird thoughts, and instead of judging me, you listen to everything sincerely (reminds you of a certain pat on the fanny pack? ㅋㅋㅋ) and help me in whatever way i need, even if im talking abt the same stupid thing for the thousandth time. if im being self-deprecating, you say...ashley maybe self reflect? and i say ok! when given two paths, you always choose whichever one you think will make me most happy bc thats all you rly care abt at the end of the day. 너는 정말 좋은 친구야, 찐자사랑해! i love when u expos20 it on me too, because even though i love words, i sometimes lose them too. it's nice to hear you talk about love or fate or death. you have a really wonderful way of thinking hon.

so yeah, i hate life and sometimes i DO want to live on a little island by myself (with a cat and a dog ofc) where no one could tell me what to do or who to be, but also i dont want that at all. as much as that kind of life sounds so free, it sounds so scary and lonely. i feel like you think its always me teaching u smthg, but that's not true at all. you've helped me learn that life is worthwhile BECAUSE we dont go through it alone. life is just so hard and complicated and weird and exhausting, but its those little moments between - going to the next graduating year's Visitas because your friend never got to experience hers, blinking really hard so you dont cry then looking over your shoulder and seeing your friend already crying her eyes out for tomorrow's LS1B PIE and bursting out laughing instead, eating at the crappy dining hall and nervously blushing so hard and your other friend pointing it out and blushing even harder even to your EARS that you just have to put your head down on the table- that make all the weird and the bad and the hurt all worth it.

that's what this kdrama is about actually, and I'll think youll like it very much considering you - a bright 18 year old - is terrified of death. in this show, after a repeated set of failures, a man attempts suicide, but Death forces him to experience the lives of several characters (hehehe including LEE DO HYUN AND GO YOUN JUNG), wherein he learns the value of life. spoiler alert, it's the people, nothing else. we get so caught up in the pedantics of life - chasing miscellaneous titles; rejecting who we are, more terrified of rebuff from friends and family than living for ourselves - that we forget the true meaning of this one life we lead. so yeah, fuck life! it sucks major balls! i mean, I have so many regrets. i wish I could have said "I like you" to that person or "FUCK YOU" to that other person who may be the same person, but isn't that what makes life so heartbreakingly beautiful? maybe...i rarely do admit this, you were right. love is what makes life worthwhile. to love is to cry and to laugh and to hurt and to maybe die a little bit inside too, but more than anything, to love is to live, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

so, I wont give up on people, as I had planned just last night after a mental breakdown (heheheh). i wont give up on you, so you don't give up on me. ill make sure you get that blackbeard and bofa internship, orgo wont kill you, and you make sure I don't push away the next person I fall for. ill protect your mind and you protect my heart. let's go through this one stupid life (reincarnation theory aside) together, this year and the next and the next.

ahhhhh ew I just realized I turn 19 tomorrow
love,
ashley kim