I found this film to be effectively frustrating. Going into this film with the mindset that it's less of a BL and more of a tragic/wistful nostalgic exploration of young boyish teenhood and the rampant ways toxic masculinity and ideas of what is 'normal' and/or 'acceptable' have stifled generations upon generations of queer(?) or potentially bicurious young men will help the viewer understand more about what this movie attempts but it's not made clear from the get-go.

The dynamic between Birdy and Jia-Han is always changing and hard to pin down in any reasonable way. Jia-Han is introduced as the more stoic, less outwardly queer individual who, for the first half, is made to seem by his peers as being under the influence of Birdy and that Birdy would 'gay' Jia-Han. Then this dynamic flips when Birdy actually flips the script and finds a girlfriend in Banban and then becomes very cold, almost as if he's an entirely different character. All of this happens in a en media res narrative structure where Jia-Han is in a violent distress that we aren't sure what the cause of is until we get there in the movie. There are moments of sweetness layered between a lot of meandering and almost schizophrenic scenes of the two boys clashing. Even the shower scene, which should've been the peak of the tension between the two, felt incredibly muted and stifling, although if you stick out to the end I guess that might've been the point but it still feels very unsatisfactory. This ambiguity then gets funneled into a far neater ending where we presume they just went on with their lives and then confess to each other in a painless way but they've already lived their lives and there's nothing to be done. Did anything even need to be done?

What I needed from this film was more structure, more of a sense of belonging to a certain place and more worldbuilding. Everything felt very disparate and disconnected and in the few scenes of coherence we have two men who want to love each other but from circumstance and writing, they are destined to never be together. I enjoyed the ambiguity that it ends on and that there isn't a succinct answer to what happens next, even though they neatly say that they did love each other, albeit only after 30 years of having entire lived experiences apart from each other. This movie is very relatable in that aspect but as a story I also had a hard time enjoying it or seeing any kind of satisfaction from the conflicts.