This was a drama of youth, love, motivation, and all of life. It expressed a realistic immaturity at times and a daunting slap of reality in the cruel maturity expressed by students rushing off to discover their lives beyond the walls of their classroom. I was, in more than a few words and for more than one reason, sad and happy throughout this. My will to be objective disappears and I am almost tempted to rewatch it instead of doing my work today.

The story surrounds Ding Xian and Zhou Si Yue as they start high school. The introduction slaps us with the harsh reality yet to come before sweeping us into the past. It was sweet. Seeing Ding Xian smile with glee whenever Si Yue became her deskmate again, seeing the main lead that was smart, but not cold and had friends. It was cute and a pleasure to see Ding Xian's love for Si Yue mold her youth, fuel her with ambition and hopes for the future, and better her in ways she probably couldn't have on her own. It was nice to see him become her support and evidently her world. While it seems that all her dreams revolved around him at the time, it was still lovely to see the gradual influence he had on her life.

But, just because one works hard, doesn't mean they always accomplish their goals. Everyone works hard. So why work hard when there is no guarantee that it will pay off and the results don't show all that hard work? Zhou Si Yue says it is so we don't regret it. I think this is very powerful and an idea they echo quite often. It also highlights one of the main differences between Ding Xian and Zhou Si Yue. Ding Xian is often lost, driven by outside factors and personal sentiments. She lives in the moment so that she won't regret it later but she fantasizes about the limitless possibilities of her choices, constantly stuck on the "what ifs." Zhou Si Yue is driven and knows exactly what he wants in almost every aspect of his life. He works towards things, whether they be academic, family, or love goals. He does not see the "what ifs" or ponder on them because it has already been done and he feels he did everything in his power while it happened. He is definitely the "don't regret your actions because they were yours made very consciously at some moment in time" type of guy.

This brings us to college. At this point, the YouTube comments section was going insane at both the characters. Ding Xian repeated a year with ambition in hopes of attending the same college as Si Yue and making it there. There is a lot of context to these decisions that are to come and so if I don't clarify them :/ Go watch for yourself. She chooses computing as her major despite having great talent and a love for the arts. At this moment, her love for Si Yue completely drives her life, and as unhealthy as it is, I understand. He was someone who encouraged her and gave her a goal along with the support to reach it. I think it was a very realistic development given all we had seen. Everyone was whining and flabbergasted when she repeated a year of studies for him essentially and if it were me, I don't think I could even name a scenario where I would do the same... if one did exist. But I understood that it was more than following his path in life but it was about proving to herself that she can. Her admiration of such an amazing person with such great ambition made her want to better herself to suit him. She wanted to catch up and stand on equal ground. I think a lot of it comes from her position in her family and her more timid, insecure personality. It made him happy that she wanted to better herself and pursue something, a goal higher than one she wanted on her own. He opened up the world outside of hers and a possibility for other things.

Zhou Si Yue, oh dear. I was feeling sad, frustrated, and all the emotions in between during this time. His father was being investigated so he had to leave for college early, he returned in hopes of comforting Ding Xian just to realize she is doing all this for him, he tries to light up her night with fireworks just to get a call about his very sick father, he gets in a fight, leaves the dorms, and works multiple jobs constantly to sustain his dream and family. Every time I saw his eyes, they were just so dead, sad, and constantly between tears or nothingness. When Ding Xian went to find him, his eyes flashed some hope, then a smile, then some sweet expressions before they hardened with restraint and became a dam about to burst. I don't think his decision to avoid and cut Ding Xian out of his life along with the pain it caused her can be justified but it was explained rather well. He was financially unstable. He didn't have the time, means, or mental to handle anything but what was already on his plate. He almost didn't want to taint her worry-free, single-minded pursuit with his problems. I am glad she stuck by him and opened up his heart, making him realize her place in his heart and life. I am also SOO grateful for his father for the talk they had. The talk was so well done and it pushed him in the right direction of being someone that was deserving of love and a life of happiness. While his delivery could have been better, I am glad he didn't accept her because she was choosing to study something because of him rather than because it was interesting to her. I think him being a ball of undigested emotions really propelled the story. haha. I think that period of time was really helpful for her in analyzing herself independently from him. I was also really happy when they showed his pursuit efforts. That love isn't one-sided and that he shook her world enough to make her hesitate. I was a bit sad for Su Bo Cong senior because he was what Ding Xian would have become without the support pillars that were her friends and I feel for his innocence warped to match and survive in a rather cold and cruel society. The difference was that DIng Xian and Si Yue had it. It helped them overcome their hurdles and made them realize that having a shoulder to cry on might not be all that bad. No need to be strong all the time. I am glad that Zhou Si Yue got to go abroad and took the opportunity because if Ding Xian didn't convince him :/ I would have been so sad that he gave up something he worked towards for so long.

Speaking of which. When they were having the farewell party for him, Oh my. The scene where Song Zi Qi was crying and saying all those things. It made me so happy that they had each other then, but also so sad because it speaks to his character. He was always handling things on his own and bottling everything up. His compassion is really highlighted in those few lines and even though they never show what things he "took on" for Zi Qi, we can imagine it because the author had given me such a clear image of what sort of person he is. When his other friend told him that he would become the Si Yue he wants to be ;-; I was touched as it spoke to his efforts, ambitions, and aspirations. He is someone respected and cherished by his peers and I hope he saw it. His breaking down after they left was probably a mix of things. I like to think it was relief and affirmation of his friends' feelings towards him, gratefulness that he had such friends that were with him supporting him, and also sad that he has to part from them.

On the friends topic, all the friends they made and couples that came out of it were so cute!! It was so entertaining and interesting rather than the generic "I am friends with you so the love triangle gets resolved cleanly" person. The professors were also amazing and really added to my motivation to study as well as finish the drama hehe.

In the end, it didn't matter what their secret was because we knew :) I think this was one of the greatest youth dramas I've watched. I was glad I watched it when I did as it made me realize that I want to work hard so I don't regret not doing so earlier and trust that I will gain something from the hard work beyond whatever result I am seeking, that if I really failed to reach the moon, I tried my best rather than run away and escape with the mountain of excuses at my disposal. I want to take responsibility for my actions and life. I want to express a level of maturity, at least in that sense.

There is just too much that can be unpacked. I could write so much more (chemistry, parents, etc.) but I would be here forever and frankly, I would rather eat, sleep, watch it again, find something else or maybe do my homework. That last one might not happen just yet but :/ who knows. I know actually, I am going to put the OST on repeat for a while while I figure the rest out.