Cara me stessa (2020)

The kind that nibbles at your heart until theres nothing left

Reality is sometimes far from ideal. It can be sad. Disappointing. Frustrating. Daunting. Painful. I found all these in Si Yu, Zi Zi and Xiao Ling's life as depicted here.

We saw the rosy moments. The happy and content times, often fleeting or even underappreciated. But often they had to face so much struggles that life throws at them. In this aspect, the writer does not shy off from showing us the ugly.

The issue in SY and YM's relationship or the cracks in ZZ's marriage. They were very real. Sometimes its not cookie cutter clear who is in the wrong. The relationship stalled at this point from the contribution of both parties. In SY and YM's aspects, they werent on the same page at that time in their lives. I found this to be all the more painful because they love each other but not enough to stay together and be happy.

Often i get upset when watching so i caution those with a feeble heart. But yet 41episodes watch and cried, I'm still here eagerly waiting everyday for new episodes to watch my very flawed male and female leads. As much as it pains me to see them falter, and grope in the dark as they refind themselves. I want to cheer for them. For ZZ to gain independence and confidence. For SY to understand what truly matters and stand back on her feet. I want to witness when they would find back their true selves, and their way to happiness.

The acting here is amazing. The leads are so flawed and imperfect, sometimes weak and sometimes they frustrate the hell out of me, but i cant hate them, i pity them and still want to root for them. Zhu Yi Long (this guy's eye acting and micro expressions are so on point), Liu Si Si and Han Zing Zhi all had their shining moments. Lastly i love the girls' friendship, they are there and supportive but never stiffling or condescending even though they all are so different and have different ambition and dreams.

* I have amended by rating and review upon finishing. This is the first time there's a huge discrepancy during "currently watching" to "completed". The conclusion continues its sarcastically cold reality- except the plot outcome for some of the characters to deliver the ultimatum ended up unrealistic in my opinion. We are suppose to receive the climax and send off our characters but the writing didn't deliver. After diligently shouldering the frustration and watch the humbling problems the girls faced for so long, you asked for a little reward and felt cheated. Watch something else unless you don't mind cruel reality and unfulfilled epilogue.

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What Really Matters

This is a real-life story with characters who may realistically reflect ourselves and people around us. It has intense office politics with people trying to backstab each other and unreasonable demands from their superiors. It explores the relationships between couples who are trying to achieve their ultimate goals, and in the process, losing everything. It tries to answer the question: What really matters?

Story Overview
This is a story about three best friends, their relationships with their respective partners and their struggles living in Shanghai. One is a workaholic - ambitious, independent and magnanimous. In the process to achieve her dreams, she sacrifices her health and the thing that means the most to her: the man who loves her and she loves. The second one is a mother who wants the best future for her daughter hence immerses herself into everything she can possibly do for her 4-year old. In the process, she is blinded by everything and destroys her own happy family. The third girl is an ultra-materialistic girl who works as a waitress and spends all her money on handbags and fashions. She constantly seeks out the best suitor - wealthy and handsome. In her quest for the fattest goldfish, she doesn’t see the little angel fish waiting silently right beside her.

The second part of the story details how the three friends pick up their shattered pieces and rebuild their life. Li Siyu (Liu Shi Shi) realizes failure is the mother of success, and it is not success that she should seek relentlessly, but it's the process of achieving it that she should relish in. Zhang Zhi Zhi (Kan Qing Zi) realizes that she needs to build her confidence by enriching herself so that she doesn't need to depend on anyone. Gu Xiao Ling (Chen Ya Ting) realizes that life should not be dictated by wealth and let herself becoming a slave to it. The ending is very appropriate for all the main characters meeting their own fates: the ones who persevere get rewarded and the ones who go under the law get punished.

There are many conflicts we may encounter in our own life and in our relationships: career or family; should a woman marry for financial security or for love; should a man marry a woman who is only interested in his wealth; should a woman give an adulterous husband a second chance for the children’s sake; should a person remarry even if he/she still loves the other partner deeply (who may have died or being divorced); must a person get married; should a woman be dependent or independent; what criteria should be used to find one's life partner; should a woman consider giving everything for the family a sacrifice and if so, should she sacrifice for her family?

This drama brings out all the flaws in us as humans. There are moments one can be easily tempted and go off rail, as in Liu Yang (Peng Guan Ying) but fundamentally, he's a good father and a good person. Lei Hao Wen (Li Ze Feng) is also a good person who is kind and magnanimous, and a good friend who can be counted on. He just makes a wrong move out of desperation. Li Siyu has a lot of flaws too despite of all her qualities; she is too ambitious and high risk taking which may not fare well with many men including Chen Yiming (Zhu Yilong). And for Chen Yiming, like others, he has his flaws - he is over confident at first and loses all his confidence later and become insecure. I can identify myself with many of the characters here.

Like the characters in the story, many of us do lose ourselves from time to time. We make bad choices and set wrong priorities. We let materialism blind us. In answering the question what really matters, perhaps couples can work out their issues and avoid the pains like our characters are suffering in this drama.

Acting
Liu Shi Shi is a veteran actor, therefore, I judge her more stringently than how I judge younger actors. She gives a very good and convincing performance here as Li Siyu but occasionally I find her facial expressions confusing. Others may argue that this is good acting because in real life, one may need to subdue one’s expressions but still conveys the emotional messages. For me, Liu Shi Shi still hasn’t done this very well. In contrast with Zhu Yilong, as Chen Yiming, he manages to convey to the viewers all his emotions, without really that many facial expressions. A lock of his brows, a tilt at the corner of his lips, the sad look in his eyes, the flashings of his lashes – all these convey his emotional states and Zhu Yilong has given a 100% performance here.

The Message
Often in pursuit of our dreams, we get lost in the forest. We equate success with prestige, wealth and power. We replace our common sense with materialism, and in the process, sacrificing things that are most precious to us.

Ultimately, this story sends us a message: life can be complicated or simple depending on how we want to make it. It can and will be complicated if we have too many demands (eg. prestige, wealth and power); it can and will be simple if we look at what really matters in life, away from all the materialism.

My Verdict
This is a drama about life. No light-headed cute romance. No comedies. Everything is as how we live life ourselves - struggles, tears, broken hearts, failures, divorces, the craving for success, unemployment, capitalist greed, shady business dealings, office politics, work pressure, extra-marital affairs etc. It's a very down to earth and realistic drama for a very mature audience. It helps viewers look at themselves and ask questions about life. It is a thought-provoking story which should be enjoyed by all.

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Missed Opportunities

This drama started out with the promise of another strong female-led character based story reminiscent of Nothing But Thirty. But half way through this drama the plotlines just keep going downhill. Not sure what the writer was thinking to alienate its viewers and putting them through hell in the second half of this show with not much to cheer for all its characters.

As for the three female leads, Zhi Zhi is the only one that showed some character development throughout the show. Xiao Ling for the most part is super annoying and self-centred. Siyu is the strong career woman type but her drive to succeed at all costs compromises her own happiness and well-being.

All male leads are flawed and weak. Period.

This is definitely not worth a watch unless you want to put yourself through agony or you can remain completely unattached to its characters.

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Don't watch it. Not worth your time. Watch it at your own risk.

Don't waste your time watch this drama. The ending is the worst and shittiest ending I ever saw in C and K drama. I'm ok with sad or open ending. This ain't any of it. The ending is seriously of very very bad taste.

The writer got everyone so invested in this n then viewers were greeted with such tasteless ending that leaves viewers "was that it? The End?? Huh???"

The story at the beginning was great. Actors were great. Built up of the story gets under your skin ... then writer ends to story just like a sudden drop off the cliff.

Don't waste your time on this drama like the rest of us ...


Story: Good but draggy

Ending: Garbage. Writer skipped everything and just cut villain down with voice over in just 2 sentences. There's no showdown nor any gratifying ending for viewers.

Villain: Great to point you will hate her very much.

Men in the story: Weak, self centred n piece of garbage

Women: Flawed characters as well

Acting: All the cast in this drama acted very well

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Thought I would feel great but this was depressing.

Initially when I started watching it I found it entertaining and exciting with many aspects of sweetness to it. Our two main leads were very hard-working, loyal and sweet. Unfortunately that changed. Let me be clear my rating rating is not meant to say that the series is not good. My rating is based off of a personal preference and my own opinion of what I felt while watching the series. To sum it up, this series is a real world thing that happens every day.

Good relationships in the beginning. About halfway through the series all the relationships crashed and burned and deemed unredeemable. NOT an exaggeration!!!!
Our leading females went from happy to sad & struggling and they stayed that remaining 20 episodes. Not an Exaggeration!!!! Although one of them appeared to come out her slump, you still couldn’t feel any real happiness.


For me I don’t normally watch this type of series but I absolutely love shows that have a strong female lead. This series has one however it’s one of those shows where the domino effect happens. One thing happens and then another thing happens and none of it is good, but you keep watching because you’re hoping for some sort of gratification, revenge or ANYTHING that gives your character justice. It sort of happened, kinda, I think near the LAST episode!!!

It’s definitely a real world series however many may not like it because it has a somewhat melancholy vibe and gets really depressing. It is not upbeat and there is really not a good source of romance here. I personally didn’t like it so much because the series is more like a harsh reality of the struggles people trying to establish themselves in the business world and manage their marriage and relationships experience. Again it is just a harsh reality! Many may not like it because they already deal with this stuff every day; who wants to watch somebody else struggle and not overcome it. And that’s absolutely what you get here watching people struggle and fail. I personally watching things that leave me feeling empowered, hopeful, encouraged or gives enlightenment.

There is lots of backstabbing and plotting. The good people suffer, dig themselves up and then suffer again. Sadly this goes on for a very long time. The betrayals are relationship based and unredeemable, so attachment to any relationships is not good.

Would I watch this again? Absolutely not. Why? It was slow, somewhat depressing and not very gratifying.
Would I recommend the series to anyone? Not to my hopeless romantic’s but I would recommend it to people that like melancholy or melodramatic series.
What did I like most about this series? The female lead was hard-working and loyal.
What I dislike about this series? It was slow and our villains seem to win 99% of the time. Very anticlimactic. Somewhat open ended. Not a happy ending just and ending.

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Rollercoaster of Events

To Dear Myself is not a feel - good drama. The storyline revolves around the materialistic and societal struggles for six individuals. And in my opinion, is quite realistic as there is no such thing as a perfect life. The first few episodes portrayed success and happiness, and we see right off the bat each character's personality, background, and love interests. As the drama progressed, we start to see external and internal problems developing; creating a rollercoaster of events.

Prideful and selfish. All the characters in this drama had these two traits, which is probably a reason for their downfalls. There were many scenes of annoyance regarding decisions and actions made that as a viewer, you can't help but judge. But this is how you know the actresses and actors are great in their performances. I must say, Wang Zi Ru played by Che Xiao really really irked me. But in a drama like this, you need that strong antagonist character and Che Xiao did a great job. I also found it quite hard to sympathize Chen Yi Ming throughout the drama due to the way he handled everything. His lack of confidence remained until the very end of the drama and that was just tiring to watch. Out of all the characters, Zhang Zhi Zhi surprised me the most with her character development after going through what she did in the drama. It was refreshing and relieving. I enjoyed the strong sense of female independence and loved the friendship between Li Si Yu, Zhang Zhi Zhi, and Gu Xiao Ling. They have each other's backs and continuously gave support when needed.

Overall, this is a one time watch drama for me (until I have nothing else to watch). I neither liked nor disliked the ending. It was just a fitting end. There were lots of unnecessary frustrations and it takes a lot of effort to accept some of the decisions made by the characters. If you like this kind of story development, I recommend Nothing But Thirty, Love Yourself, and Ode to Joy.

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A complex, realistic drama that evokes all sorts of emotions

To Dear Myself is a wonderful slice-of-life drama that explores the journey of six 30 year olds who are doing their best to make a living in the ever-bustling city of Shanghai. To be honest, this is the genre that I never normally would have been eager to venture into. As a sensitive, perhaps slightly fragile person, I have never been someone who would actively search for slice of life/melodramas because I felt that they hit too close to home for me and were way too real. I watch dramas to get AWAY from life issues, not to get CLOSER to them. However, despite the fact that this drama explored topics I would rather not face, such as infidelity, (a teensy bit of) domestic violence, and boring business dealings that seem to go on forever, this drama was still surprisingly intriguing!

In the beginning, I admit that I was not that intrigued. Because I was unused to how realistically flawed these characters were, I had defaulted to disliking them. Li Siyu and Chen Yiming relationship's made me so angry. I hated how they were unable to compromise or understand the viewpoints of each other, and at many times, I found myself itching to scream at them. I hated the way Zhang Zhizhi was unable to stand up for herself, and the way that her husband, Liu Yang treated his family so disdainfully. As for Lei Haowen and Gu Xiaoling, I didn't care at all for them at all and probably wouldn't feel like I missed anything if both were completely removed from the drama. At first, I was watching because I genuinely despised the characters and wished to see the outcome, but I later found that it was because of their imperfections that I liked them. The hilarious, fluffy, romcoms that I usually adored watching simply avoided creating real, genuine characters like the ones I saw in To Dear Myself. As the story progressed, I started to realize how incredibly realistic and interesting they were. The story taught me so many life lessons. It was fun to analyze character motives and predict what they were going to do next. I loved that I was able to analyze the characters myself and how each character had so many layers. Every character was deeply flawed, but no character was fully good or evil, just like people in real life. Even though some of them were absolutely terrible balls of walking human trash, they still admittedly had some good qualities or ideas I could relate to. Characters tackled many situations that could be found in real life. There were no cliches because everything was based on life itself and not a fairytale. However, when I got to the end, I was pretty disappointed. Up until that point, the drama was very realistic and interesting, but at the end, a bunch of crazy things got mashed together, and it felt pretty absurd. For that, I deducted one star from my original intended review. However, that doesn't mean that the entire drama is bad just because of that one episode. I'm sure I can come up with my own ending instead. I do not regret watching this at all. It was very worthwhile for me, and I was so happy to have been able to share this journey with the characters.

The acting in this drama was amazing. Before this drama, I had only ever heard of Kan Qingzi and Zhu Yilong, (so I will mostly be featuring them in this review). I know that most of the cast is comprised of seasoned actors and actresses who are very good at playing the parts. Well, that showed. Before, I had only ever watched Kan Qingzi, actress playing Zhang Zhizhi, on multiple variety shows. My impression of her was that she was a very bright, outgoing woman. However, I was absolutely shocked by what I saw onscreen. All traces of the real Kan Qingzi had vanished. The character she plays is a needy mother who was severely deprived from self confidence. The actress never once went out of character, despite the fact that her character was so different from her actual self. I was so impressed by how she was able to someone so different from her so well, and even now, when I see Kan Qingzi as her actual self on variety shows, I am shocked at the difference, and part of me can't even comprehend it. As for Zhu Yilong, I knew that he was an amazing actor but had never paid attention to him. In this drama, he plays his part amazing! I was very impressed by all of the expressions he pulled off and how professional he was. It was almost hard to distinguish between him and the character because he was so natural and in his element. The others were also a treat to watch. Overall, I enjoyed all of the actors and actresses and their depictions of their characters.

Although I was disappointed by the ending of this drama, I still think back on it with fond memories. The great acting, the wonderful camera angles and shots, the beautiful OSTs, and the important life lessons will be remembered by me for a long time. That being said, this drama is absolutely not for everyone. It's pretty melo, and as stated above, there is infidelity, slight domestic violence, manipulation, and long business deals that will likely make you fall asleep. The drama is called "To Dear Myself", so it's mostly about the journey of finding oneself. Do not expect to see a huge amount of romance or cute couples (the couples are more scary than cute). However, if you're interested in a cast who clearly knows what they're doing, over-analyzing character motives, or exercising your own brain to come up with an ending because this one sucked, then maybe this drama is for you!

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Dear Myself...more like Dear Me! Do NOT Waste Your Time!

Hour after hour of heartache and betrayal as well as stupid and selfish acts........
What a major letdown this drama was. Please do not waste your time watching this show. This will mean, I promise you, forty five frustrating hours while you experience the lives of a whole slew of very unlikable people; people you want to shake or slap.
I was pulled into this drama by the initial storyline and the brilliant acting by a number of the main characters. Sadly, at the end i realized we were dealing with the filming impact of COVID and a lousy script. I am also thinking in-time social media reviews also had an influence on the emerging storyline. In addition, the theme and flavour of the first twenty one episodes seemed to be written by a different group of writers then the last ten episodes.
Zhu Li Long, playing Yiming, was the best actor in the show; amazing facial expressions and portrayed the epitome of a spineless lapdog. His character was by far the most disappointing as he fell twice into dysfunctional relationships.
The ending made no sense and was rushed and unfulfilling. There should have been one more episode to wrap everything up.
Only one character seemed to have growth during the drama ,Zhi Zhi, but even that growth storyline was a bit far-fetched with her colouress and gray for 95% of the show and a few scenes near the end where Zhi Zhi has transformed into a fierce professional woman...... in a matter of months.
This is so sad as the trailers and opening episodes held a promise that was never fulfilled. Three days after the final episode and I am feeling tricked.
Lesson learnt..do not propose to your girlfriend in public..you will be humiliated.

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I like to watch slice of life stories in between period dramas. Nowadays there are many slice of life c-drama that depicts strong, independent woman. This is just one of them. Unlike Nothing But Thirty where the three main female characters are friends, Zhang Zhi Zhi, Li Si Yu, and Gu Xiao Ling are all related by family ties. Zhi Zhi is Si Yu's cousin and Xiao Ling is Si Yu's step sister. This however is not as good as Nothing But Thirty. The only interesting character for me is Zhang Zhi Zhi. She started out as this weak character, one who is boring and just focused on taking care of her husband and child. But since life has unexpected turn, I thought she shows that she is a strong and independent character by the way she handled her husband's promiscuity. Zhu Yi Long's character is the one I despised the most! He is annoying and thinks that he's so righteous and so annoyed that he tried to salvaged his relationship with the older shark lady after what she's done! I just want to smash my screen! So irritating LoL. Overall, this was just an okay drama. One that I would gladly put at the bottom of the list and not watch again nor recommend.

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Not for me ,more expectations.

Story about three friends ,one is married ,other is about to get marry and third one relationship not started yet. Their partners are also each other friend . As married couple it is duty of both the partner to run the house . To give eachother some time . No need to be materialistic ,no need to be show-off .
First couple was married ,with the starting of the drama they were leaving happily but with the time passes their thoughts were not meet . She wanted everything best for her daughter so she did something which made her bullying by other ,her husband many time told her no to do so but she never listened him as result frequent fighting .among them. About him ,he got so much frustrated as she was not listening her and even not spend timing with him because of her stupid thoughts and during this he fall in love with other girl as he thought she understood him much than anyone else , a big mistake had done by him which can never be correct . So how their life go after this ,did she forgive him or not this would be seen at the last part of the last episode.

About second couple ,the girl wanted to live an independent life , didn't want any type of help from anyone though the person was his boyfriend . Many time he propose her ,sometime she said no because she thought she was not ready for marriage and after marriage not ready to have baby , actually she was not ready to take any type of responsibility . Another reason for not getting married was that she thought after marriage he would not allow her to do work and wanted her to be a homemaker basically she was insecure . He ready to wait for her but his waiting never came to an end and ultimately they broke up , mutual understanding was never seen in their relationship . few romantic moments were there between them . So ultimately he gave up and move on

Last couple the male lead wanted her to be his wife ,only her noone else but she never seen his love because she wanted money to live luxurious life . inorder to get her he ruined his life .then what happened to him would be seen at last second or third episode.
Not happy with the ending
I wanted to see a good happy ending for all the characters.
Acting was good.
Only acting .

There were 45 episodes of the drama , available on YouTube

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So realistic I cried ?

As you might have seen in so many reviews, it’s realistic. At one point, I basically cried my eyes out. Many of these things really happen, including being laid off, competition, the love life it contains, etc, etc. One thing you REALLY need to know though, is that many things are based off real thoughts, feelings, etc, like biases towards males versus females and the idea that men are more capable than women.

Even though we’re in the 21st century, these thoughts still exist and survive.

After a few episodes, you’ll notice that there’s, spoilers, a third wheel. As Liu Yang is more “immersed in love” (as he thought), he became a bit abusive.

Those actions and words he had said and done reflect to things that CAN happen.

I’m not saying that all men are cheaters.
I’m not saying all women are gold diggers.
I’m not saying that ALL men are strong or more capable than women.
Im not saying ALL men are abusive.

No.

What I’m saying is that these things are true. As I watched Liu Yang slap Zhang Zhi Zhi across the face, I flinched. That slap basically slapped me too, with reality and how this drama is realistic.


MAJOR SPOILER FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVEN’T FINISHED THE DRAMA YET.

When Lei Hao Wen proposed to Gu Xiao Ling at the end, he was shocked. He said, “Now I’m the one whom you’d marry.” That’s interesting. He tricked someone so CLOSE to her, her stepsister, whom Xiao Ling loved so much, into losing all of that. Yet he still had the balls to continue to propose. That’s so interesting. After being rejected, reality slapped him. He was blinded by trying to get Xiao Ling to marry him that he barely even thought of anyone else.

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Just finished watch this drama, and I just feel this drama was pretty similar with Nothing But Thirty. A story about the work and love life between three female friends and three male friends. I guess this kind of 'female centered plot' drama in China is pretty popular nowadays because I have watched another two similar drama like this before such as Twenty Your Life On and Nothing But Thirty.

This drama follows the story about 3 female friends which are Li Shi Yu (who is sales rep and a workaholic, braved woman), Gu Xiao Ling (pretty and attractive FL), and Zhang Zhi Zhi (a housewife and mother). It also tells the story for 3 male friends who should be the couples of the FL, their work life, struggles, difficulties, being betrayed, failure, and how they survived, never give up, reach and getting what they dream.
Personally, I kinda like this kind of drama because it is so realistic and relatable to our daily life.

And if I can compared this drama with nothing but thirty is mostly because of the ending. For the first until 38 episode I still prefer this drama rather than NTB because of the cast and story. Even though, the main character and some parts is pretty similar for me such as work as Sales Rep, Housewife being cheated, and the same ML going to jail, and many more. But until the last episode, all I want to say that the ending is very very terrible. After so many drama, frustrated, failure, I just wish that the ending is worth it but it is totally not. I know that this is a realistic story but I really prefer that LSY ends up with CYM because they really fit and love each other. On the other hand, even NTB they didn't get a happy ending but I still not complained because all FL already making a better version of theirselves and maybe it is the best ending for them.

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