Two episodes in I wasn’t sure if I could share everyone’s excitement about this series. I’ve seen people talking about it as this great breakthrough, a masterpiece, a game changer, and while I acknowledged how having a mainstream actor play a gay character and having actual national funding for a BL show was changing the landscape for kdramas. However, from a perspective of just a regular viewer, who ultimately expects to experience a good piece of televised fiction, I wasn’t really convinced.

Sure, the drama was well-produced, the acting was solid, I couldn’t really complain much about the story progression, as it felt pretty unforced. And yet, I couldn’t really resonate emotionally with the characters. Being it Go Young or his female friend Choi Mi Ae. I attributed it to the style of the story and the manner it was told. Time jumps, skipping important moments when people develop connections, not witnessing how they get closer or grow apart – it all made it difficult for me to develop an emotional connection with the characters as well.

It all changed around episode 3 or 4, e.i. during No Yeong Su and Go Young’s dating era. Their final encounter, during which Go Young ends up punching his (then already an ex) boyfriend was the turning point for me, the moment when I actually felt something (before I did tear up a bit when Go Young and Mi Ae reconnected, but this scene in the restaurant hit me waaay stronger). The look on Yeong Su’s face expressing both self-disdain and resignation really got me. Since then, I’d become more and more invested within every episode, getting used to the report-like narration and time jumps that stopped hindering my ability to immerse myself within a story and became just another tool to highlight its realism. From that moment onward, I did feel like I was given glimpses into different stages of Go Young’s life.

I loved the development of Go Young’s relationship with his mom and her gradual, quiet acceptance of his sexual orientation towards the end of her life. I started understanding Go Young more, noticing how he craves for love, but self-sabotages himself at the same time. That was a big theme for me in this drama, that’s how I saw it. Go Young is chasing love, but at the same time is not allowing it to happen. Affected by having to live with “Kyle”, being cheated on by a boyfriend who gave it to him, and a traumatising childhood experience of his father leading a double life all rendered him wanting love, but not really believing he deserves it.

Nam Gyu is too boring and clingy, so Go Young discards him in a pretty brutal, emotionless way. Then he gets himself entangled in a toxic relation with Yeong Su – a guy who pretty quickly starts to look like a red flag. Go Young clings to him almost in a similar manner like Nam Gyu clung to him before. Why? Partially probably because he was clearly very physically attracted to the guy and Yeong Su had a way to make a person feel like crap, just to throw them a bone from time to time, in order to keep them invested. But my take on it is that, because Yeong Su was never truly attainable, Go Young would end up trying harder. If Yeong Su actually got invested in their relationship 100% and dealt with his internalized homophobia, I’d wager Go Young would probably want out.

Finally, he meets Gyu Ho – probably the strongest candidate for a life-long partner. And yet he lets him go, despite two of them somehow managing to stay together, dealing with the challenges of every day life, its mundane aspects and gradual boredom that sets in their relationship. The relationship with Gyu Ho, while exposing Go Young’s somewhat immature idea of what love should be (a constant source of excitement), was still – in the end – the most mature one. Go Young and Gyu Ho try to resolve their issues, they attempt the rekindle the spark by going to Bangkok, and both work hard on studying Chinese in hope of moving to Shanghai together. And yet, in the end, Go Young sends Gyu Ho off alone, with a “blessing” to date other people. Once again sabotaging his chance for true love.

He doesn’t realize his mistake only until much later. But if they had a chance to have another go at their relationship, I’m not sure if he'd approach it differently. What happens after Gyo Ho’s departure, the ending to a "Habibi arch", the symbolic moving to a new place (as opposed to living in Mi Ae’s old apartment – which was highlighted in Go Young’s dream in one of the earlier episodes as mirroring him being stuck in life, with no clear direction) gives some hope, I suppose?

What originally started as a story of Seoul party goers who don’t always make the most responsible life decisions, eventually turned into quite a deep portrayal of a scarred individual, who tries to navigate his life amidst all the challenges it throws at him. I ended up really enjoying the experience and can understand why this show got so much hype.

There is so much more to say about this drama and more layers to uncover, whether it's Mi Ae's 180 turn in her life attitude not long after getting an abortion, Yeong Su's extreme way of dealing with his sexuality, or Go Young's self-destructive behaviour after receiving gifts from his father. It definitely is one of these shows that leave an audience with a lot of "food for brain". To me, personally, next to The On1y One, it's the best BL drama I've watched (I'm aware not everyone considers it a BL) and also one of the best kdramas.