Sigh, what is there to say

This is going to be a review focused on events and behaviors rather than individual cast members.

Recommend For: Anyone who likes relationship Drama with an emphasis on the capital “D”, complicated relationships, playing detective/armchair psychologist (I do not mean this in a derogatory way at all—I dabble in both), or learning healthier relationship dynamics (in this case, a lot of it from a what NOT to do perspective lol)

Do Not Recommend For: Anyone looking for a “feel good,” “peaceful,” “not like other dating shows” program. If that’s what you are looking for, drop after episode 3

Okay. Wow. This show started off very peaceful, very heartfluttering, very soft. And ended the complete opposite. It will give you whiplash and, depending on which couples you are rooting for, you may even feel very depleted/down/anxious in real life after certain episodes.

The showmakers did a great job creating storylines—the middle section (before Singapore) dragged a bit but things really picked up once they were in Singapore (the last few episodes). Lots of drama, lots of twists, lots of building up mystery of what certain contestants will do. I think this show went from “Oh yeah, it’s obvious who will pick each other at the end” to “Hmm, this could really end in three+ different ways.” So that element of it is great.

The showmakers tried to make it a heartwarming, deep show, but unfortunately it ended up being a messy drama due to two castmembers being very confused and confusing. Literally, there is no one on the show the two didn’t confuse at one point or another. So I really don’t blame the showmakers for how the show turned out. They did a phenomenal job crafting the familyvibe and making space for the siblings to show love for each other and acknowledge each other in a way that family sometimes forgets to do in regular life. A good reminder for all of us to let those we appreciate know how and why we appreciate them.

Moving on to the main bit: I think this show should be shown in high school health class (remember the healthy relationships module?) because there is SO MUCH to learn. From this show, I’ve become more mindful of:

• Words
o There are times when a castmember is sensitive to words they receive, but then turn around and dish out hurtful words too (not on purpose, probably just didn’t think carefully about the impact of their words or thought they were making a joke when it wasn’t actually funny). It makes me reflect on things I’m sensitive about others doing but excuse when I myself do the same thing.
• Clarity
o Confusing people is hurtful and causes harm over a longer period of time than just telling the truth. Rip the band aid off once instead of tugging at it over and over. From watching the cast, I also learned key things to look for if I suspect someone is being insincere or playing with my emotions:
 Are they clear? Can I ask them a yes/no question and actually receive a yes/no?
 How do I feel when they speak to me? Do I feel anxious, confused, and like I’m always having to *guess* what they’re thinking?
 Do our conversations go anywhere or are they in circles and jumbled?
• Walking Away
o Part of maintaining healthy relationships is knowing when to walk away. I realized that even if all the butterflies and attraction are there, sometimes it is best to just cut the relationship off at the very beginning if it’s already creating anxiety, negative tension, huge yo-yo-ing of emotions. I realized that I personally just want something peaceful and calm, that makes me feel good without the unnecessary anxiety over whether my partner actually likes me or not. Of course, the castmembers are in a situation where they have a limited set of people to pursue for a period of time, so I don’t at all mean this as a dig at any of them who chose maybe not the healthiest connection.
• Values
o Having similar values means you can share a similar foundation. If I’m liberal but my partner is conservative (in terms of family roles, expectations of behavior, etc) it may require a little extra attention to make sure we both feel healthy and supported. There are some differences in values that will prevent a relationship from being healthy and fully supportive of all sides, no matter how wildly the partners love each other.
• Self Care
o Dating when you haven’t worked through your own traumas and issues can mean that your defense mechanisms, built in response to trauma, can hurt your partner. I don’t think I have to be “perfect” before I get into a relationship, but I will definitely be working on my communication and processing. I noticed a lot of pain came from a castmember keeping everything inside and only at the last minute expressing their real feelings (even to their sibling!), when it easily could have been avoided by saying something like “Hey, I’m interested in you but I’m also a little confused about if my feelings are real interest or just fleeting. I want to find out if it’s based in something real and want to let you know about my current confusion so you can make the best of your time here as well.”
o It is impossible to please everyone. Be yourself, be honest (but not curel) with your thoughts and feelings, and you will build a community that supports who you really are as a person.

Anyway, very long review. I didn’t want to write too much about my thoughts on the psychology and behavior of the individual castmemebers (although, believe me, I have a LOT of thoughts, and have shared a lot of it in the comments already lol) since we all interpret their behaviors and character differently, but wanted to instead focus on what I took away from the show. I appreciate the dating programs that also, through the cast, provide insight into a healthier way of creating, maintaining, evolving, or ending relationships.

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