Tokyo Playboy Club (2012)

I regret watching this movie.

I remember seeing the trailer for this movie about a year ago, and it seemed like an actiony yakuza/gangster flick consisting of a badass beating up people. What I got instead was a story slower than dripping tar about some schmoe who has a baby on the way, whose days are less exciting than a lip-synched Madonna concert, and some minor stuff about this drifter with love of beating up people. Guess which of these two stories the movie focused on? Hint: I am starting to wonder why the badass in this movie was even in the trailers and posters.

Seriously, this movie was... nothing. The whole time. It just felt like noise playing in the background. I ended up checking up on emails while this movie was playing. I considered skipping around, but preserved. I started daydreaming about watching something else. I imagined staring into a shotgun and escaping the torture of utter monotony. About 1:20 into the movie, and I claimed defeat. I have seen some boring movies (e.g. Yatterman, with Sakurai Shou), but I was able to watch the whole movie. I am the type of person who can justify watching a 4-hour movie by thinking "the director must want to convey a message which needs such an absurd runtime." Hell, if this movie was just campy and cheap, it would be fun to laugh at. But no, this movie is just BORING.

Perhaps this movie had an "epic" bloodbath at the end, but the setup (which is over half the length of the movie) makes it difficult to care about the characters. To be honest, I wanted them dead just so I can be entertained by SOMETHING in this movie. I did the unthinkable (for me, anyway); I stopped watching the movie halfway through.

This is not an action movie. This is not a yakuza movie. There are no cool action scenes. There is no human drama. There are no connections one usually experiences with characters in good movies. There is no joy. A gnawing feeling in your gut that says "Hey, maybe do something productive with your life for once" starts consuming your whole body, much like the urge to drink can haunt recovering alcoholics.

I wasted movie night with my sister (who chose to watch this) on this movie. Do NOT watch it. There is no action, drama, romance, deep thought, or hope in this movie. Just boring silence.

One last reason why you shouldn't watch it: I actually took the time to type this review up. I'm usually a lurker, so feeling the desire -nay, MOTIVATION AND RESPONSIBILITY -to warn you fine folks about this movie is a MAJOR sign that this movie is horrible.

Perhaps this wall will help:

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